


pick it all up (and start again)

by shrineofyourlies



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, and clarke has struggles dealing with it idk, but bellamy's here, finn's dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 01:37:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2904524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrineofyourlies/pseuds/shrineofyourlies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They smother her and she cannot breathe and she cannot speak. She cannot speak. She doesn’t want to. But after a few weeks when he finally walks through the doors and seems unsure of looking at her in the eyes she wishes her voice wouldn’t fail her and she wishes she could tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pick it all up (and start again)

 

She walks through the gates and her body is trembling and she is wincing in pain because there is an awful shriek ringing in her ears. Her vision is blurred but her eyes fall on a body running her way, and the scream is getting louder with each step. She doesn’t see it coming but she feels the fist hitting her in her jaw. She tumbles to the ground and feels the kicks against her ribcage, the bones cracking underneath her skin. She feels the blood running down her face and tastes it on her tongue when a boot comes colliding with her nose before the girl above her is taken away, strong arms pulling her away from the bloody mess she made. And it’s when she starts screaming, till it feels like her throat is bleeding. She doesn’t stop, even when she feels someone pushing a needle into the tender skin of her neck, but eventually her voice dies down as she closes her eyes and another kind of darkness creeps in.

 

It’s just medicine.

 

She spends too many days in the medbay and people ask too many questions, and they smother her, they smother her and she cannot breathe and she cannot speak. She cannot speak. She doesn’t want to. But after a few weeks when he finally walks through the doors and seems unsure of looking at her in the eyes she wishes her voice wouldn’t fail her and she wishes she could tell him. How sorry she is. How guilty she is. How she didn’t have the choice. And he sees her trying and he’s losing his mind, because she opens her mouth with watery eyes and nothing ever comes out anymore. He’s losing his mind. He tells her to draw, express herself in the only way left, and he forces some charcoal and pieces of paper in her trembling hands, staining them and when she looks down all she can see is red. Swiping through her fingers and she lets go of the charcoal with a small yelp. He yells at her to pick it all up and draw and she looks up and he’s crying. She hasn’t seen him cry in ages and it’s the worst sight since... Since… So she picks the charcoal up and begins to draw, shakily, furiously, and her tears fall on Finn’s face, blurring the lines and when she looks up, he’s gone. He’s gone too. She throws the charcoal away and screams, screams till it feels like her throat is bleeding. It’s the first sound she let out in weeks, and when she looks down at her darkened fingertips, she sees it.

 

It’s just medicine.

 

Her first word is for him. _Please_. And it means more than she could ever express to him, and he swallows hard because he has always understood her. Please forgive me. Please help me. Please stay with me. He studies her carefully and brushes his fingers over her knuckles, muttering a word that echoes in her mind for days. _Always_. Her first full sentence however is for the girl that she can hear crying at night. For her friend who has lost her only family. _I’m so sorry_. And the answer is a fist in the eye and a hateful glare. And two sentences that freeze her heart in her chest and her tears in her eyes. _You took his love and then you took him. You took everything I ever had_. She feels cold and there’s a void in her and numbness in her mind. He finds her hours after, standing in the middle of her tent, staring at her murdering hands. And when he holds her, pushing her hands away from her own gaze and tucking her head under his chin, muttering words of comfort in her ear, his breath warm and his heart beating against her chest even warmer, it feels like her heart starts working again, raging against her sore ribcage. He’s forgiving her. He’s telling her he’ll help fix things. He’s not going anywhere.

 

He’s her medicine.

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song medicine by daughter, and plot loosely based on it too  
> idk i've just written this and english is not my first language but i love love love bellarke so tell me what you think of it? please and thank you  
> c. x


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